Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Olympia: Good Luck

Olympia's slogan seems to be: "It's the Water."  Well, no shit, I was just wondering aloud to myself after my fourth can of this liquid terror what it is that could possibly give Olympia its old-timey flavor.  Rice?  Corn?  Elderly feet?  No, silly.  It's the water.  It says so right on the fracking can.

So it's been a while since I last suffered for my hobby, and the rather loudly marked 12 pack of Olympia reminded me of this tonight as I perused my grocer's beer cooler (generally a mistake).  The sense of pride emanating from the packaging reeled me in and next thing I know I'm handing over the $6.50 and change to take this box of fun home with me.  I really should get paid for this.

Open a can and take a whiff (don't bother pouring into a glass, seriously) and you'll be greeted with the scent of little other than corn and feet.  This is a fairly common first impression for this style so no surprises here.  Put one foot in front of the other until you find yourself taking that first sip, and if you can keep it down you'll learn that flavor-wise, not much is going on inside this can.  Sure there's the typical corn and alcohol taste that anyone who's pretended to enjoy a Pabst is familiar with, but otherwise your palate will be pretty lonely on this trip.  The only notable quality here is the smoothness.  Straight from the can it's kind of endearing in a chuggable, plug your nose and play kind of way, but I suspect pouring this one into a glass would yield a flat mess that would be somehow even more difficult to consume.  I think we can use our imaginations here to some effect and come up with what is probably a pretty accurate description of its color: it's likely a pale, almost clear gold, with fizzy bubbles dissolving into a frothy, almost purely white head.  Drinkability?  Well, that depends on your ability to consume things your body naturally rejects.

One thing I take considerable pleasure in noting is the horseshoe on the label with the words "GOOD LUCK" written on it.  Is that a challenge?  I think so.  At any rate, I can't think of a more appropriate phrase to issue anyone opening a can of Olympia.  In the world of ultra-cheap beer, this one can be avoided.